01. All Samsons except Gregor in Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. Oh my God. There's a fucking rotting apple embedded in his back. He's a giant bug, yeah, but he's responsible for EVERY FUCKING PIECE OF FOOD YOU'VE EATEN THUS FAR. Triple punch.
02. Oedipus in Oedipus Rex by Sophocles. Come on. Getting it on with your mom is kind of hot. Chillax.
03. Jason in Medea by Sophocles. BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, YOUR CHILDREN ARE DEAD. DEAD.
04. Paris in The Iliad by Homer. iihwegwgeihddskka;ddsigewg,x. You ruined a city by kidnapping a woman. D: You RUINED A CITY. And you don't even die. And Orlando Bloom plays you and he's gross. Four punches: two for you and two for Orlando Bloom.
05. Silas in The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. I only want to punch you because I think you'd like it. Sxxy.
06. Victor Ward in Glamorama by Brett Easton Ellis. I refuse to believe you are really stereotypical Hollywood. D: You are too gay and too weird and you call everyone baby. PUNCH.